5 Reasons He Dumped You (Besides the Obvious)

So you got dumped—big deal! This is not the time to wallow in sadness and blame yourself for what you could have done differently. It’s time to consider each and every possible reason he could have dumped you aside from the one very big reason he cited that even your best friend said seemed kind of valid. Instead, let’s look at some of the reasons he might have dumped you.


1. You were too good for him, and he knew it.

Objectively speaking, you were straight-up superior to him. At first, it was part of what he loved about you—along with your hyper-attention to his every move. You were such a catch, and you were always adorably ready to catch him in a lie! But soon, he realized you were just too good. When he said, “You act more possessive than Gollum”, he really meant you were always ready to catch him in a lie! But soon, he realized, she’ll be forced to confront my deep inadequacies. This has nothing to do with anything you did!



2. He liked you so much it scared him.

Every moment he spent with you made his heart palpitate dangerously with desire; every moment without you lasted an eternity. He loved you at your goofiest, crouched over the computer gulping vodka as you sent threatening Facebook messages to his ex-girlfriend. The ecstasy of dating you elevated his resting heart rate so much that his cardiovascular specialist deemed the relationship potentially deadly. When he said, “I feel suffocated and terrified by your actions,” he meant it in a good way!


3. He dumped you as part of a performance art piece.

Maybe your boo’s just been really in touch with his creative side lately! Or maybe you were dating an avant garde artist. Your “breakup” was just his brilliant art piece. You, of course, are his muse. When he said, “What is your insane obsession with my female coworkers?” he really meant, “What even is art?” It definitely wasn’t your fault.


4. His friend Robbie talked him into it.

Robbie is a manipulative con artist who destroyed your relationship, probably because he was jealous of you being the new muse. When he deceived your boyfriend with lies about how your fake crying is just “emotional terrorism”, he was selfishly hoping he could destroy your love and was also probably secretly in love with you, too. When your boo said, “You need help dealing with your jealousy issues,” he really meant, “I need help with Robbie. Save us from Robbie and his dangerous, but understandable, love for you. I am not responsible for my actions; Robbie is. I hate Robbie.” Too late now, loser!



5. The universe is trying to tell you something.

Free will is but a myth. Your man may think he dumped you because you were too controlling. But here’s the truth. The universe controls us all, and it absolutely forced him to dump you. The poor guy has no more say over his actions than a tree falling in the forest, especially if the tree will never, ever find anyone who cared about it as much as the forest did, but it’s cool because now the forest can go out and live its life and see its friends more often and actually start meditating and focus on itself for once. There are forces at work that are bigger than the two of you, and those forces think you should have no more say over his actions than a tree falling in the forest. The space-time fabric has foiled your love, but will likely send you on a path to greatness!


Your man could have left you for any one of these reasons. Let it comfort you in your pain that your breakup is not your fault, and the reason he dumped you is probably kind of flattering!