Tired of his empty promises about breaking things off with Gail? You should be! Instead of patiently waiting around for something that might never happen, you ought to take matters into your own hands by typing a few winky faces. It’s time to step out from the “Facebook friend” shadows and become the star of his “In a Relationship With.” But first, you have to get his dumpy wife out of the picture – literally, because she’s in his profile picture.
Here are some fun and mischievous ways you can use winkies on Roy’s Facebook page to finally get Gail to leave him. Wink!
Like His Status with a ;-)
The next time Roy posts some status update like an opinion about the subway fare hike, or how much he just lifted at the gym, or how excited he is about the baby he and his dumb wife Gail are expecting, comment with a simple “;-)” and nothing more. It’s mysterious and classy! Why didn’t he “like” it the way he likes your rushed midday parking garage blowjobs? Gail will start to wonder who you are.
Post a Private Joke on His Wall with a ;-)
Maybe the last time you were together, the waiter brought you a glass of white wine instead of Merlot. Or maybe you’ve come up with a mean nickname for his wife, even though he’s asked you to stop saying it, because it makes him feel ashamed of what he’s doing. Now’s the perfect time to post a private joke that you share out in public for all to see. Go ahead and post “Flabby-Flat-Butt ;-)” on his wall. Did Gail see your post before Roy deleted it? Only time will tell.
Post a sexy picture of yourself on his wall with a ;-)
A great way to get Gail out of the way is to show her how tough her competition is. Up the ante by posting that picture of you Greg from work once said looks like “that girl from Mad Men.” Let Gail stew in your curves while Roy goes down on you for the first time ever. He won’t discover the sexy shot and winky face for at least 11 minutes.
Post a Song About Having an Affair on His Wall with a ;-)
From Rihanna’s sassy “Unfaithful” to “Lyin’ Eyes” by classic rockers the Eagles, you can find a song about cheating to suit your own specific musical tastes. Try posting the Destiny’s Child masterpiece “Say My Name” on Roy’s wall, and imagine the sparks at home flying! This is great – stupid, pregnant Gail just posted a “??” comment underneath it! Wait a minute. Did Roy just “unfriend” you?
Send a Private Message to His Wife – ;-) Optional
Okay, so things have gotten a little out of control. Maybe the best way to use Facebook to get his wife to leave him isn’t with winky faces, but just by telling stupid pregnant Gail directly that you’ve been boning Roy via private message. Hold on; she’s disappeared from Facebook and so has Roy! Did they both just fucking block you?!
If Facebook is no longer an option because Roy and Gail have blocked you and moved on to repair their fractured union, don’t worry. You can still winky the hell out Roy on Twitter, Instagram, and even Pinterest. If Gail hasn’t left Roy by the time you’re posting winkies on his LinkedIn profile, cut your losses and move on. He’s not worth your one closed eye.