Troubling Study Finds Most Americans Don’t Know America’s Birth Chart

“We The People” have considerable knowledge about United States history, but a troubling study published out of the University of Michigan reports that an alarming majority of Americans do not know America’s birth chart.


America’s birth chart (the map that identifies the placement of the planets and luminaries at the exact moment of birth) gives insight into key aspects of the country, including its personality, emotional life, and timing of life events. While it provides a great deal about the country’s identity and where it’s ultimately heading, the majority of its citizens failed to review this key information that explains our nation.


“I interviewed a study participant who had no idea where Pluto was positioned the day the founding fathers put ink to paper,” shared Dr. Belinda Lowry, a member of the Michigan research team. “I find this information troubling and honestly, deeply unpatriotic.”


“Most citizens can identify the three branches of the Federal Government sooner than they can locate America’s sun sign, moon sign, or Ascendant,” Dr. Lowry added. “Isn’t that so disturbing?! These people vote!”


While America’s star sign is undoubtedly Cancer, many astrologers can empathize with the unenlightened majority, as it’s questionable exactly when America was born. However, researchers are shocked at how few people guessed the rising sign of either Sagittarius or Gemini.


“Some people say America was born of freedom, and others says that America was born of racism, and that may feel like an irreconcilable difference in perception” Dr. Serman said. “But it’s like, no wonder when most citizens don’t even know what sign or house our Venus is in.”


The lack of knowledge and understanding of America’s birth chart is something that rightfully worries experts, as the consequences of astrological ignorance can lend itself to citizens acting out of passion rather than solid reasoning.



It should, therefore, come to no surprise that the warrior planet Mars spent six agitational months in its home sign Aries during the January 6 capitol riot and moved into Taurus only minutes before law enforcers recovered control of the building.


At press time, Dr. Serman delivered a warning. “When the republic collapses–because it will–historians will look back on the findings of this very study and go, ‘well yeah, no shit.’”