Study Finds Millions of Americans Blissfully Unaware They’re Being Broken Up With Tomorrow

Breakups happen every single day, and according to a new study out of Stanford University, millions of unassuming Americans today are blissfully unaware that they’re going to be broken up with tomorrow.


“Most people in failing relationships have no idea that they’re failing,” Head Researcher Dr. Emilia Brown said. “But the other people in these relationships absolutely do, and they’re going to bring it up tomorrow.”


“Some of us at Stanford believe that this is either due to denial, inexperience, or simply just not seeing the signs,” Dr. Brown added. “But regardless, they’re definitely going to find out in 24 hours.”


“My relationship is going great,” said study participant, 24-year-old Grace-Marie Jewell. “It’s the best one I’ve ever been in, actually. Why do you ask?”


Grace-Marie unfortunately has no idea that her boyfriend has an entirely different take on their one-and-a-half-year relationship.


“Yeah, I’m going to break up with her tomorrow,” Grace’s boyfriend, 23-year-old Kale Freeman, told us. “I’ve been postponing it for so long, but it’s just time.”


Despite her boyfriend knowing what’s going to happen the next day, Grace has no idea, and this is only one of the millions of cases that exist in the U.S. today.


The research effort used a combination of statistics, behavioral analysis, and talking to people who got big time dumped but never saw it coming.


“Yup, I was broken up with today,” said study participant, Alexis O’Neal. “I had no idea, but it turns out that I’m not the only one! It still hurts a lot though.”


However, there were some other peculiar variables in the university’s findings as well.



“There are also millions of Americans that actually do know that they’re going to be broken up with tomorrow,” said Dr. Brown. “And that’s because they received a ‘We need to talk’ text a day earlier than our other test subjects.”


“It’s sad that people can’t always anticipate when they’re going to be broken up with,” said Dr. Brown. “But if you’re lucky enough to see it coming, you should definitely try to break up with them first.”


Great advice! Thank you, Stanford!