STUDY: This Study Will Be Retracted by Tomorrow

A recent study out of Monmouth University reveals that this study will be retracted by tomorrow, with a margin of error of probably zero percent.


“When we began researching whether this study would eventually be retracted, even we were surprised by the results,” says lead researcher on the study, Dr. Jennifer Zanetti. “This study is almost entirely likely to be completely retracted by tomorrow morning.”


“But that doesn’t mean it’s not going to spread like wildfire through the news cycle, obviously,” added Zanetti. “That’s all part of the fun.”


“We learned that it was nearly inevitable that this study, no matter how dubious the data, will be misinterpreted by reporters with no background in science and further misinterpreted by laypeople in memes on Facebook asking to ‘like and comment AMEN if you agree’.”


Researchers also noted that the retraction won’t gain nearly as much traction online as the initial, more salacious claims based on questionable data and methodology.



“We’re almost sure of it. And that’s exactly why we’re releasing this study.”


Zanetti does note that the retraction of a retraction of a study may be seen as a double negative, therefore negating its own claim, but she is not going to let logic or ethics get in the way of telling you that cloth masks cause cancer, probably.