In a developing story coming out of your parent’s house in Houston, TX, it has become increasingly evident that your dad’s entire wardrobe was caught from several different t-shirt cannons over the years.
“I always wondered where my dad got his clothes from,” you say. “I’d never seen him purchase clothes in my life, but it all made sense when I realized he always wears oversized cotton T-shirts that says things like “Patriots National Champions 2003” on them.”
You had a lot of questions about his methods of “shopping”, and your dad was happy to provide an explanation.
“I’ve never missed a local sports game,” your dad said. “Whether it’s soccer, basketball, football, or, hell, even cricket; if there’s a t-shirt gun, you can count on me to be there when I run out of shirts.”
While it was easy to tell your father’s shirts were likely from different sports games, because they all say things like “Houston Soccer Final ‘87” or “Austin, TX Little League Championship”, you were still curious about where he got the rest of his clothes from.
Little did you know, your dad has received all of his clothes from t-shirt cannons, not just his t-shirts.
“When you go to enough games as I have, you start seeing more than just t-shirts,” he said. “One time I grabbed some jeans that were shot from a t-shirt cannon, and these Keds also really hurt me when I first got them, but now I wear them all the time!”
Unfortunately, not everyone in the family is happy about your dad’s selection of clothing.
“Last summer, I kept telling him he needed to wear something nice for our niece’s wedding,” your mom said. “But he didn’t own anything that hadn’t been shot out of a cannon at a sports game, and he didn’t intend on buying anything else, either.”
“I wouldn’t want to get my clothes any other way,” your dad said. “What’s better than watching sports, and then getting some free clothing out of it too? Nothing, that’s what!”
According to our sources, you had no idea about this because you never wanted to go to any games with him, which resulted in this hobby of his being unknown for years, until now.
“I’m actually supposed to go to another game in a few hours,” your dad said. “Maybe this time I’ll finally get a button-down!”