Top Date Spots That Don’t Really Matter, You Already Know How You Feel About This Guy

It’s date time and the stakes are high! Except that you decided within fifteen minutes of meeting him that it really doesn’t matter where you go cause you’re either going to fuck or never speak to him again. Here are ten completely arbitrary date spots to take him to that won’t really impact the outcome of your date at all:


The Park

Getting all this shit together for a picnic will show him you care, assuming you do care. There will be an annoying bee buzzing around your food that could drive you into his arms or just drive you crazy because this guy mentioned loving cars in his dating profile and you know you’re wasting your time here.


French Cinema

Wow, this fella is really cultured if he’s taking you to see a foreign flick! Either that, or you’re going to find him so pretentious, and be resentful that he’s making you read while watching a movie. The movie doesn’t matter so much as whether you instantly found him attractive or not.


That Swank Restaurant

You get a delicious meal out of this spot, but you’re not going to sleep with a dude because of a bomb filet mignon (not unless you wanted to in the first place). This fancy location could actually be pretty boring if you went against your better judgment and went out with a finance guy.


Neighborhood Bar for Drinks

This one could go either way: If you like him, you can toss back a few and chill out in a casual setting. If you don’t, you can sip slowly, stare around the room wondering why you agreed to date someone who told you right off the bat that you’re not his “usual type”, and go home by yourself early.



Stand-up Comedy Show

Great idea! You guys will be in a good mood after getting a few laughs in. Or, you’ll spend the whole night wishing you were watching Minions on Netflix, since that would be much more fun than the Libertarian you swiped right on.


You know the deal. If James McAvoy took you to a dumpster fire on a date, you still would. However, if a guy with Ted Cruz tendencies took you through a romantic gondola ride, you’d still rather fuck a knife. We are all just slaves to our hormones and perceived chemistry so just pick whatever of these and get out there.