This Woman Became a DJ Because She Can Only Have a Good Time if She’s Controlling the Music

Asia Johnson never thought she would become a disc jockey, but eventually she realized it was her duty to create mixes for crowds of strangers, simply because she can only go out and enjoy herself if she’s in full control of the music.


Whatever works for you, girl!


“I knew that I liked going out with my friends, but for some reason, there was always something holding me back from enjoying these outings to the fullest extent,” she told reporters. “But then I realized that it was because every time a song played that I didn’t personally choose, it was simply impossible for me to lose myself in the music.”


Asia struggled with this dilemma for years, until she finally found the solution to all of her aux-related woes.


“One night, when I was sitting and looking dejected at a bar that was playing pretty good music but still not what I would personally play, I had an epiphany,” she told reporters. “If I was the one playing the music, then I’d never have to put all of my faith in a stranger curating songs again. It would be me that has everyone under the will of my music taste.”


Once Asia discovered this brand-new auditory path for her life, she began learning the skills necessary to be a somewhat good, somewhat unsettling DJ.


“I went right out and bought a mixer,” she said. “The only songs I’ve been working with are songs from my middle and high school days, but that isn’t stopping me from playing my mixes for anyone who will listen — or not! I don’t really care. They’re literally just for me, anyway!”


Asia’s first public DJ sets have primarily consisted of Björk, Lady Gaga, Beyoncé’s album “4”, the singular song ‘Beauty and the Beat’ by Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj, and an audio recording of Toni Collete’s “I am your mother” monologue from Hereditary.


Okay, girl! Sure!



“Now that I have the tyrannical power of mixing my own music ‘in the service of others,’” Asia continued. “The world is my oyster! I can now play any song I want, and skip a song whenever I’m bored of it, even if it only played for three seconds!”


At press time, Asia had been primarily performing at her apartment, as her mixes were deemed “too personal and weird” by every bar or club manager in her surrounding area.