Wow! This Woman Hasn’t Listened to Any New Music Since 2008

Finding new music can be a challenge for any busy, working adult. That’s why Olivia Parsons decided to change the game entirely: This amazing 31-year-old woman has completely avoided listening to any new music since 2008, the year she graduated college.


“I love music, and I had pretty refined taste as a college student,” says Olivia. “Music really peaked in 2008, at least for me.”


Ms. Parsons is perfectly content listening to the same music she painstakingly downloaded from Kazaa when she was 22.


“To be honest, my interest in finding new tunes started waning after Panic! at the Disco released ”A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out” in 2005, said Olivia. “It was a masterpiece, and I thought, ‘How can anything top this?’ But I kept up with Rolling Stone for a few years just in case they released anything else.”


She also credits the releases of Justin Timberlake’s “FutureSex/LoveSounds in 2006, and TPain’s “Epiphany” in 2007 with her continued musical curiosity.


“Then ‘Tha Carter III’ came out in 2008”, she said. “It was all over for me then.”


Wow! Who knew that Weezy F Baby could have spawned almost a decade of musical indifference!


Friends of Ms. Parsons are stunned by her steadfast commitment to music from 1998-2008.


“She has the musical taste of a teenager in the mid 2000s, and she thinks that’s a good thing,” said friend Kelly Jacobs. “She still knows every word to ‘One Week’ by the Barenaked Ladies, but looks really confused when someone mentions Cardi B.”



“If she plays “Sugar We’re Going Down” around me one more time, I’m going to lose it,” added Kevin Lin, another close friend of Olivia’s. “Fall Out Boy has come out with like four albums since that one, but she refuses to give even those a listen.”


“I don’t see the issue,” says Olivia. “I go out of my way to see new movies and read new books. I just know confidently that there will never be a better era of music than the Top 40 hits from the very beginning of the Obama administration.”


Whatever you say, Olivia!