Friends: We all need them. When the going gets tough, there’s nothing like having a reliable girl gang that lives in your closet because you trapped them in there. But sometimes, for whatever reason, there are friends you need to cut loose from that prison in your house. It might not be easy, but how will you ever grow if every member of your squad remains stuck somewhere behind a garment rack? Here are the five friends you need to let go immediately:
Erin knows everyone. She’s always out on the town, at the hottest new club or networking event. When you’re lying in bed watching Moesha reruns for the hundredth time this week, she’s always been the first one to get you up and ready to party—an event that’s become increasingly rare as she now lives somewhere deep inside your ClosetMaid suite. So let her out! Let her out right now. You need to stop doing this to all your friends.
Reba’s blunt talk is great for a reality check, but sometimes she edges toward tearing you down, especially when you trap her in your crawl space. Just when you think you’re ready to adopt that miniature schnauzer and rename it Sir Ian McKellen, she reminds you about last night—you know, when you shouted “Gotcha!” and locked her up inside your closet. That’s the kind of irresponsible behavior a dog owner would never exhibit, and Reba really gave it to you straight. You wouldn’t be here without her “tell it like it is” attitude, but this time she took it too far. So let her go. She’s tired of thrashing around in your stackable bins. Open the door and just let her out. You’ll feel so relieved once she’s out!
Haahahaha, Frida is hilarious!! How does she do it?! Whenever you confide in her about your latest dude-related disaster or workplace drama, you know she’ll find a way make you laugh so hard, you’ll forget that you’re communicating through the impenetrable doors of a padlocked wardrobe. But to Frida, everything is a joke. She has a hard time being serious, even when she’s running low on water and is starting to get woozy. Consider letting her out right now.
Vanessa loves her vegan lifestyle and she’s not afraid to talk about it anywhere, at all times, even when no one can really hear her from way inside the vast interior of your friendship storage unit. Now that’s dedication! Vanessa’s always finding the gluten-free panko first when you’re grocery shopping, or whipping up a quick power smoothie for a pre-yoga radish blast, and honestly you’d like her to stop. Try letting her out of your closet to see what happens. She’ll probably have to change everything about herself to move past this trauma, even her precious plant-based lifestyle! This one’s for everyone’s benefit.
Oh Olga, she’s been there for you from the beginning. Remember that time you cried during your third grade PowerPoint presentation about the Mayflower? Or when you put her in your closet earlier today? Past and present alike, you know that a true BFF like Olga will stay by your side. In this case, because she is trapped within a chest of drawers and has no choice. So do your childhood buddy a favor and release her from her sweater-filled confines. Please do this today. She deserves it!
So there you have it: the five friends you should really cut loose from their binds in your closet. Please, set them free! Please!