Sometimes, you fuck up. It happens, we’re human! But other times, you fuck up in public. YIKES! Instead of moving past little events you may have goofed on, sometimes it’s worthwhile to take out your frustrations on the most deserving recipient: yourself! Despite what your parents and any therapist will tell you, a bit of localized self-loathing can help you purge your damaged self and thankfully, there’s a mirror for that! Here are some tried-and-true public mirrors in which you can quietly chastise yourself.
1. Museum Bathroom Mirror
Here’s the scene: You’re in a modern art museum with some acquaintances, and you mistake a Salvador Dali painting for what is really a work by Georges Braque. Pretty idiotic mistake for an art history major, but not one to wrestle with internally. Make your way up what seems like seven flights of stairs to the bathroom, go into the starkly white bathroom, and gently rebuke yourself in the spotless mirror.
2. Big Truck Side Mirror
Picture this: You’re walking down the street with a total hunk, and one of your heels jukes out from under you, making you briefly walk like a newborn baby zebra. Unforgivable! Instead of laughing it off and assuming he’ll understand, make some time to excuse yourself and find a big truck. Those side mirrors are plenty big enough for a little bit of quiet self-berating!
3. Porta Potty Mini Mirror
Sometimes you fuck up at an outdoor music festival, like when you thought an Animal Collective song was Tame Impala. CRINGE!!! Make a beeline to that muggy, putrid, rectangular pee-prison, find the tiny mirror with sharpie graffiti on it, and scold away in private!
4. Diner Wall Mirror
The world’s best diners have walls covered with mirrors, in which you can observe yourself ordering, receiving, and inhaling delicious breakfast foods (don’t forget to tip!). The scenario: You wanted three eggs and bacon over easy with whole wheat toast, and you accidentally ordered three eggs over easy with WHITE toast! Who the fuck orders white toast? You don’t even have to get up for this one: Crane your neck to the right, speak softly but harshly, and proceed to berate your idiot self into the wall!
5. Broken CD on Ground
Finally, a positive use for litter! Here’s a mirror you might not have thought of—that broken CD on the ground next to the empty milk jugs, unwrapped condoms, and waterlogged phonebooks! While the reflection itself will be skewed and iridescent, you’ll def be able to make out your likeness enough to murmur some self-flagellating, ego-shattering but faintly spoken diatribes against your moronic decision to wear THAT hat today! OF ALL HATS!!!
We hope these five in-a-pinch mirrors help out when the only option left to control your emotions is self-sabotage! Happy scolding!
