In a deeply unsettling story emerging from San Diego, CA, 24-year-old Molly Jefferson has proclaimed that “Thanksgiving just feels different this year,” unaware that the difference she is feeling is the passage of time, the end of childhood, and the advent of adult life, from which she simply cannot escape.
“There’s just something about the holidays that isn’t hitting the way it used to,” Molly told reporters from her childhood bedroom, which feels much smaller this year than it ever has. “I can’t put my finger on it, but the light around the edges is gone.”
By “light around the edges,” experts suspect Molly is referring to the general positive tinge of childhood that colors many of her memories of that time, but no one really wanted to tell her that, because it’s a profoundly sad idea.
“The holidays before this used to feel so bright and cozy, but there’s an emptiness to them this year that’s really unsettling,” she continued, seemingly unaware that she was describing the typical trajectory from adolescence through college and into adult life.
Molly looked quite confused, then something clicked in her brain, and she said, “Oooh, fuck. Time is passing, isn’t it. What I’m describing is the passage of time.”
Reporters murmured their agreement as Molly stood up and took stock of all the ways things felt different.
“Yeah, I guess my grandpa did pass away this year, and I graduated college, so that’s probably making the holidays more stressful than normal,” she continued, finally getting it. “Oh, and the boyfriend I thought I’d marry broke up with me, which is kind of a slap in the face from the real world.”
Once Molly came to this realization, a lot of other things started falling into place. She finally understood why she wasn’t finding as much joy in doing puzzles with her dad (she knows his politics now), or walking her dog through the neighborhood (it’s way too hot for a typical November), or chopping salad for Thanksgiving dinner (she knows too much about microplastics now).
As of press time, however, Molly was finally learning to find the joys in an adult Thanksgiving, namely that she could go on a walk with her cousins to smoke weed and also that she could drink. Making a point to note some positives that were not substance-related, she also took a lot of joy in hearing that her aunt and uncle finally got divorced.
