The back-to-school season is approaching, and it’s time to take your style game up a notch! Here are some style secrets that will take you from being a “basic bitch” to a totally normal-looking human female in a few easy steps. Your secret is safe with us!
Wear glasses. Not only will these distract from your cropped ears, but they will draw attention to your soulful eyes and enormous pupils. Don’t be surprised if people think you are smarter than you are. You might even get put in honors classes.
Paint your nails. Your new friends will drool over how long and luscious your nails are. Be careful that you don’t start drooling yourself. It is a dead giveaway that you are not what you say you are.
Wear a knit beanie. These cute fall accessories will not only cover your floppy ears, but they give the illusion of hair being under there.
Try a maxi skirt. Not only are maxis hot right now, but they will also elongate your stubby hind legs and mask the fact that you cannot walk upright. It’s a win-win situation.
Find a dress that hits your natural waist. You don’t have to panic when a formal event rolls around: A dress with a full skirt that hits your natural waist will cover your tail and accentuate your somewhat human-like figure.
Attach your cone to a polo shirt. So you just got “fixed”, huh? The best way to hide the fact that you are actually a dog is to dress like a very preppy boy. Sew your cone to a white polo shirt for a popped-collar look!
Never wear choker necklaces. This is an amateur mistake that will get you outed to the whole class before you can say “Arooooo”.
If you follow these simple style secrets, you’ll be on the fast-track to Prom Queen by spring. Just remember to keep your acceptance speech short or someone might figure out that you are actually barking.
