Are you the kind of woman who carries hand sanitizer, or the kind of woman who has six lipsticks? You probably stock your bag with essentials like credit cards, your phone, and a couple of Xanax, but should you find yourself in a situation where you have to show someone what’s in your bag, we have some unique conversation pieces you can throw in to impress your friends and acquaintances:
A Headshot, Even if You’re Not an Actor: Nothing’s more obnoxious than the friend who brings her headshots to places like the gym, brunch or her day job at the law firm. But if you’re a lady with no aspirations of performing, you’ll really get your friends talking with a stack of professional headshots: “Why does Jessica need headshots if she’s the CFO of a hedge fund startup? Has she been on a reality show we’ve never heard of?”
A Ransom Note: This note will show that you’ve got serious shit going on. Are you blackmailing somebody? Are you hiding some kids in a basement? Either way, you are a woman who makes her own money. Plus, cutout letters from magazine also give you an opportunity to show off your crafty side. Follow Reductress on Pinterest for elegant ransom note inspiration.
An Old VHS Copy of Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey: 90s nostalgia is very in right now, as are animal rights. If anyone asks why you have it, just say it’s “for the children.”
A Creepy Doll that May or Not Be Haunted: If you have a first date that isn’t going as planned, letting a small rag doll topple out of your bag is great way to get out of an awkward situation. Are you practicing voodoo? Is the doll haunted? Maybe you’re a child in a woman’s body. He’ll be intrigued by you and scared off at the same time!
Snakes: A woman should always carry protection, especially women who work late hours. Keep a few poisonous snakes in your bag for safety, companionship, and as a signal to others who snoop in your bag to watch themselves.
The Latest Copy of The New Yorker: This shows that you read important things. If someone asks you about a specific article you haven’t read, you can distract them with the snakes.
A Few Empty Airplane Size Bottles of Vodka: If you feel like your girlfriends haven’t been as present in your life as they used to be, convince them that you are struggling with addiction. They’ll be intrigued by your secret life and what dark troubles led you to this point.
A Monocle: Everyone knows that glasses make you look smarter, but a monocle makes you look smarter and richer. Make it very clear that you only need the monocle “for reading,” but imply that you use it for more sinister purposes.
With these small items in your purse, you are sure to seem more interesting and captivating than the hand sanitizer lady. Let the reality show offers come pouring in!