Is the NSA Into Me? How to Seem More Interesting on Your Tapped Calls

So you’ve got your eyes on those hotties over at the NSA and you’re wondering how to get their attention? Here’s a list of sexy, suspicious buzzwords that you and your girlfriends can use in phone conversations that’ll be sure to get their attention. Before you know it, you’ll be “terrorizing” their thoughts day and night.


1. Terrorism

This is pretty simple to incorporate to any discussion. “That manicurist was conducting terrorism on my nails today.” “I plan on a legitimate act of terror if Pinkberry is closed right now.”

2. Dirty bomb

Use this whenever updating your friends on anything new in your life. “Have I got a dirty bomb to drop on you—I quit my job!” Or you can use this to describe trashy girls. “She was more than a hot mess. She was a dirty bomb!” Bonus points for including “schrapnel” wherever possible.

3. Attack

Throw this one around as often as possible. “I really want to attack this smoothie right now.” “I’m feeling attacked by this NSA surveillance.” “I’m having a panic attack about these attacks we’re planning (on this Matthew McConaughey movie marathon!).”

4. Al Qaeda

This one’s the hardest to incorporate into your regular speech. Try using it as a playful pun. “I feel like someone might be listening to us right now, but Al Qaeda don’t care.”


5. Mexico

This one surprised us, but apparently it drives those NSA guys wild. Try phrases like “I think I might head down to Mexico. Why is it so hard to smuggle a good margarita around here? Human trafficking!”

So don’t hide out in a bunker when it comes to attracting hot government spy guys. They’re easier to attract than you think. You just have to be willing to be bold. Before you know it, they’ll really be “tapping” you!