A new study out of the Culinary Institute of America has finally pinned down a mystery that has haunted the food world for decades: toddlers and early 20-somethings are the leading consumers of butter pasta.
“When we’d take our year-end survey of the most popular food, butter pasta would somehow always end up on the list,” said Lead Researcher Patty Zeig. “But we had no clue why. Who was eating that much butter pasta? Well, we finally got our answer: three-year-olds and 23-year-olds who don’t really know how to cook much else.”
The study found that butter pasta is popular among toddlers due to their lack of a sophisticated palate, while butter pasta is popular among early 20-somethings because it’s basically the only thing they know how to make in under 40 minutes.
“It appears that 20-somethings struggle most with the time management aspect of cooking,” Patty continued. “They wait to start until they’re already hungry, and by then, they’re interested in immediate solutions, which is where the butter pasta comes in. It’s a matter of desperation, you see.”
There is a gender divide within these age groups as well: Only 10% of women in the 20-something age range admitted to eating butter pasta regularly, but 80% of male respondents answered that they exclusively eat butter pasta before scientists had even finished asking the question.
“It’s nice to know that my little boy will eventually wean himself off of this butter pasta craze,” said local mom Jane Chee. “And that he’ll wean himself back into it when he graduates from college, lacking the necessary skills to care for himself. That kind of consistency is really comforting.”
“I like pasta because tasty,” said three-year-old Miles Eamon. “Broccoli yuck.”
“Me, too!” added his 25-year-old brother Brandon Eamon. “Butter smooth and yummy, not sharp and scary like tomato sauce.”
As far as the nutritional value of this meal goes, there is no nutritional value.
“We’d be concerned if people were continuing to consume this quantity of butter pasta into their 30s, but by then they normally grow up,” Patty continued. “Butter pasta is all fun and games until you hit 31 and the digestive issues begin.”
Having uncovered this correlation between the tastes of toddlers and fully grown young adults, scientists probed it further. They have since discovered that toddlers and early 20-somethings are also the leading consumers of squeezable yogurt, quesadillas, and those SpongeBob popsicles with the dots for eyes.
