After a hair-raising showdown between two of the best NCAA teams in women’s basketball – University of Iowa and Louisiana State University – and a generally jam-packed March Madness season, the broader public is finally starting to take interest in women’s basketball, and beginning to see what lesbians have been seeing, arguably, since the dawn of time.
“Caitlyn Clark’s 41-point, 7-rebound game against LSU was absolutely mind boggling, yes,” said local bisexual and New York Liberty season ticket holder Maya Harlow. “But it’s nothing new! It was literally her 13th 40-point game. Where have you guys been?”
“Things are even crazier in the WNBA than the NCAA tournament,” added local lesbian Gracie Stoddart. “I mean, Liz Cambage put up a 53-point game against the Liberty in 2018. I know this because I am a lesbian.”
Some men’s basketball fans are finally starting to understand the kind of ball-handling and shooting game these girls are bringing to the court, which is kind of funny because lesbians have been saying this for literal years.
“I can’t believe women’s basketball is this entertaining,” said 25-year-old Matt O’Callighan, who is now a die-hard UConn fan. “Sure, the lesbians in my life have been begging me to watch with them forever and always share highlight reels, but I’ve never been one to believe women.”
Sources confirm this is the first time many non-lesbians have seen women’s basketball altogether, with most always assuming it was bad, likely because of an inherent misogyny that consciously and unconsciously plagues our perception of women’s sports.
“My friends wouldn’t stop gushing about the WNBA and I just assumed it was some sort of political stance,” said local straight woman who will kiss girls if her boyfriend can watch, Keely Greer. “But I was waiting for the men’s games to come on and saw the highlights of the ‘UConn v. USC’ game – holy shit, those girls can shoot.”
Upon hearing this comment, a lesbian passing by Keely’s window shook her fist at the sky and fell to her knees in a gesture that suggested, “Yeah, no shit.”
“I’ve got to hand it to the lesbians – they were really onto something!” Matt continued. “Will I learn from this and listen to them next time? Absolutely not.”
While the surge in viewership is unexpected, lesbians look forward to welcoming the new women’s basketball die-hards into the fold “as long as they’re not weird about it or anything.”
