Once and for All: Female Ejaculate, Is It Pee or A Tiny Spurt of La Croix?

The debate over female ejaculate still hasn’t been fully resolved. This argument periodically reignites online, with thousands of women chiming in to confirm that they do in fact ejaculate, and that no, it’s not pee. And now the debate has splintered even further: Scientists are studying new research that suggests female cum is actually a gush of your favorite flavored seltzer – La Croix.


The team of researchers, led by Cybill Vahn of Arizona State University, set out to study the phenomenon of female ejaculation and found remarkable evidence that the substance is a small amount of La Croix sparkling water.


Although the lab found trace amounts of urine or discharge in the vaginal fluid of female test subjects, this report definitively concluded that there is in fact a unique female ejaculate, which comes in one of thirteen titillating flavors.


The team found something intriguing regarding pH levels of fluids collected from women who claim to experience ejaculation, which is distinct from urine and/or discharge. “A balanced vagina has a pH of 3.5 to 4.5,” Vahn reports, “but we found that these women’s pH levels were higher, much more alkaline, at around 5.5—the same as sparkling water.” Basic indeed.


Regarding the diverse flavor profiles of female ejaculate, the researchers identified all thirteen LaCroix flavors in test subjects, although according to Vahn, there was “No evidence that anyone really liked the orange flavor.”



Some women have claimed to cum in the bolder, dual-flavored La Croix Curate flavors, but the research subjects only included the original flavors because, “the new Curate La Croixs are harder to find. They just don’t seem to be produced as much,” Vahn said.


Vahn and her team are still working to find out just how virtually untainted La Croix is able to make its way through the body without any apparent filtration through the kidneys, but the study has been temporarily put on hold due to team in-fighting over the pronunciation of La Croix.