While advances in headphone technology have finally developed a surefire way to zone out in our horrifying environment, researchers at Pennsylvania State University recently decided to “unplug” and subsequently published a study proving the world is just too scary when you don’t have headphones in.
The study found that the world does not, in fact, naturally produce the sounds of your taste in music, podcasts, and audiobooks, but rather a cacophony of screeching, crying, crashing, shattering, howling, shrieking, yelling, shouting, hooting, hollering, and otherwise disastrous, obnoxious clamor.
These results were, sadly, consistent across all demographics.
“The emotional consequences of removing your headphones are incontrovertible,” shared principal investigator Debra Howard. “Trust us, we didn’t like confirming this pandemonium either. If you take your headphones out, even for one second, it’s extremely likely that what you hear will make you shit your pants. It’s best to keep those earbuds in, hit play, go about your life until bedtime, wake up, and repeat.”
The study detailed that, in every raw auditory interaction the study participants had with their environment, an astounding 100% of them were scared shitless by what they heard.
“I was crossing an intersection when I decided to take my AirPods out, and suddenly some car was beeping like it was about to hit me!” reported one study participant. “The car certainly wasn’t there when I was listening to my little podcast friends talk about unsolved, violent murders. It was terrifying.”
Indeed, several others reported the godawful sounds of firetrucks, scary dogs barking, active construction sites, and airplanes flying seemingly too close to earth. Some participants encountered stress from having to engage in small talk with strangers they could now hear asking them for directions. One participant even found themself in dangerous proximity to a car playing Meghan Trainor with the windows rolled down.
So, why did this research group even bother taking their precious headphones out?
While some critics claim society’s bells and whistles are designed to grab our attention for awareness and safety purposes, many experts remain unwavering in their belief that headphones are our greatest shield against the intrusive and overwhelming sounds of, well, everything.
Furthermore, listeners are prone to developing a reliance on headphones to mute our chaotic world. With everything, coping mechanisms are recommended in moderation to avoid dependence. It can be healthy to get out of your comfort zone, just to see what it’s like out there, even by starting with removing one earbud but keeping the other in.
