I can’t believe it’s finally happening! After the years of chump boyfriends, countless fantasies about the perfect dress, and four undeniably solid years with Gary, I’m getting married tomorrow, and I am 99% sure this is not a huge mistake.
What can I say? When you know, you know, for the most part.
Wedding bells are chiming and I’m… excited? Sorry, that came out wrong. I meant to say it like this: “I’m excited!” And why wouldn’t I be? I believe that Gary is my soulmate because I have believed in soulmates up until this very moment, so why would that change now? People stay the same and Gary is great!
Another thing I believe is that stress is fluid so if I’m feeling any weirdness it’s just because of the chaos of the weekend and because my family is in town and excuse me did you say something? I momentarily tuned out because I was looking up my high school boyfriend, Chuck, on Facebook. Is it a bad sign if I had a nasty sex dream about him and the devil last night? We were all spinning plates while we did it. It’s amazing to think I’m going to have sex with only Gary for the rest of my life, and that our sexual peak as a couple may be years in our past. I am not panicked I don’t think! That thought is comforting to me.
I’m stupid in love with Gary and nothing could make me question that! Before I met him, I thought love would never find me, but now my world has opened up into a big beautiful abyss. No, no, I mean like a good abyss, an endless horizon that I’ll never get sick of. Hopefully.
“Is it possible for a 32-year-old woman to start over?” is a question I do not need to ask!!!! But if I did, hypothetically, what would you say?
Gary is so level-headed (not boring, it’s different!) and he makes me feel so seen, so cared for, so — do you think our divorced friends felt confident the night before they got married or what? I mean, where’s the line between love and co-dependency? Is there a line?? Have you ever felt like you’re fear’s puppet???? Me neither, hahaha!
A mimosa? Sure! I like to eat and drink and not run into the forest where no one can marry me, not even the birds.
I might live to be 90, in which case I have 60 more years with Gary, who genuinely believes if he had better organizational skills, he could have created Google. I’m crying right now because I’m confident about this decision, mostly! Tears are nature’s drops of truth!!!!!!
This time tomorrow I will be bound to another human being! By choice! Married to Gary. Gary I’ll marry. Marry marry me to Gary! Does it sound like I’m losing my mind??????? Because I feel good! I’m so good!!!!!!!! In fact, my alarm goes off in two hours, and I haven’t slept at all because of all these calm thoughts and I can’t wait!
This is going to be the greatest day of my life. Right?? Right???????