REPORT: No One Should be Allowed to Edit Their Selfies Because I Don’t Know How

They say we are living in a “post-truth” society, and nowhere is this claim more evident than in the world of Instagram selfies. Users employ editing tools to drastically alter their features, making their skin appear clearer, their eyes brighter and their lipgloss more popping.


A research team from the University of Michigan recently released a detailed report that proved the dishonest practice of editing selfies destroys any sense of objective reality. They concluded that no one should be allowed to edit their selfies because I personally do not know how.


“When I post a selfie to the internet, what you see is what you get,” said the lead researcher on the team: me. “I would never deceive people into thinking I was more attractive or make other people who don’t know how to expertly edit their pictures have an unfair disadvantage. It’s just wrong to make me feel this way.”


The data extraction and analysis for the report came from me extracting my friends’ selfies from their Instagrams and analyzing how hot they are but not understanding how these treacherous masterpieces are constructed.


“It’s despicable to use various apps to enhance your appearance,” I said. “Also, if one were to do that, what sort of app might they use? Seriously, like, what are the apps called and are they expensive?”


While the results clearly indicate that I think manipulating selfies is morally unjust and should be illegal, some of have been quick to criticize these findings.



“I don’t see what the big deal is,” said a friend, Maria Tamarez. “If people want to boost their confidence a little and flex on the gram, that’s their right, and it doesn’t hurt anyone.”


“Oh, also if you ever want to edit your own selfies just tell me and I can give you some tips,” she added.


Of course, I would never steep to the level of falsely distorting my image to look glowy and amazing, but for the sake of furthering my research, I am set to meet with Maria and learn how to use Facetune this Saturday.