It’s been well documented that it’s impossible for a billionaire to be completely ethical, not only because amassing such wealth requires the exploitation of underpaid laborers, but also because they’re hoarding their mass amounts of money instead of sharing the wealth with the rest of the world. All of these things apply to the world’s richest top 1% and we need to put the pressure on them to do something about it, except for this one magician who literally made all his money appear out of thin air.
Unlike Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, or Mark Zuckerberg, 28-year-old Elijah Middlebaum made his money in a totally ethical way by performing one honestly fucking incredible trick at a magic show, so we should all cut him some slack.
“I earned my money with good old-fashioned hard work, and without any help from anyone else,” Elijah said. “Unless you count the mysterious and all-powerful nature of magic. That helped me every step of the way.”
While most billionaires say they worked their way up independently and without getting any help along the way, this is usually a lie they tell to seem more relatable and marketable to the rest of the world. Everyone needs to be more cautious of this kind of mass propaganda, but in the case of Elijah, it’s actually really true and super cool!
Elijah, having successfully achieved his own American dream, also has advice for other billionaires and the people out there striving for the same kind of future profit.
“The first step to being an ethical billionaire is to learn how to use magic,” Elijah said. “From there on, you can easily work your way to the top. You just have to remember where you came from, which for me is doing magic tricks in my backyard as a child.”
While lots of billionaires donate to charitable causes, these donations are usually minuscule compared to the amount of money that these mega-rich individuals hoard for themselves. Elijah, on the other hand, plans on giving 80% of his money to his mom, Meredith, which is a lot better than most of the world’s billionaires could say.
“At the end of the day, you need to spend money to make money,” Elijah said. “Except for me, because I earned my fortune by saying an ancient spell and twirling a little wand around.”
Take note, unethical billionaires of the world!