A recent report out of your living room has found that the box you “just set down for a second” is well on its way to becoming permanent decor in your living room.
The report drew its conclusion from the vast well of data that is the other miscellanies you have strewn around your apartment.
“Sure, the coat I momentarily left on the back of a chair has been there for five months now,” you said to reporters. “But this box is different! I really just needed to set it down for a second, I’m definitely going to move it today! Or maybe tomorrow.”
Your statement conveniently left out the books stacked next to your bed that you repeatedly allege you are “going to read soon”, the empty vase in your living room that you’ve been meaning to buy flowers for, the sweaters stacked on the chair in your bedroom that you always swear you’re about to put away, and the painting that’s been leaning against the wall of your apartment since the day you moved in.
Researchers infer that, based on these findings, the box you most recently set down in your living room will act as permanent decor at least until you move out, and, in all likelihood, will also become a permanent fixture immediately upon moving into any new apartment.
Ongoing reports have found that the box appears to filled with a haphazard assortment of ill-fitting clothing items you recklessly purchased online months ago, but that you are “totally planning on returning soon”. Reporters were unable to reach you for comment on your definition of the word “soon”.
When asked how you felt about the whole report, you continued to vehemently deny the researchers’ conclusion that the box would remain indefinitely in the spot you had left it. Sources close to you claim you’re incensed at how this finding would clash with the “sophisticated minimalist” interior design aesthetic you have been trying so hard to curate for yourself.
At press time, researchers attempted to placate you by stating that although the box is more than likely to become permanent decor in your residence, that doesn’t mean it can’t be useful, and that “you can put little trinkets in it and stuff” – once you return all those clothes, that is. You were quoted saying, “I’ll think about it.”
