REPORT: Basketball Happening Right Now Apparently

According to overheard snippets of random men’s conversations, the sport of basketball is reportedly happening right now, and in a big way.


“I think it’s March Madness right now?” said one researcher, Kilara Matthews, who has a boyfriend. “Wait, but it’s May. Hmmm.”


While it is not totally clear what is happening with the men’s sport right now, it’s safe to say that there is something going on, and that it seems like a pretty big deal.


“My brother mentioned something to me about a bracket over the phone yesterday,” another researcher named Yolanda Sanchez said. “So, I guess it’s a tournament of some sort? Whatever it is, he lost all his money because of it.”


While the researchers couldn’t be bothered with any of the details, many of their recorded findings included key words like, “The Knicks,” “Miami,” “Steph Curry,” “NBA,” and “Lakers,” which confirm that it’s all definitely about basketball in some sort of way.


After the study continued for multiple weeks, researchers opted to bring another person who knew way more about basketball onto the project.


“Yeah, it’s the NBA Playoffs. I watch it every year,” new researcher Melissa Godwin, who played basketball in high school, told the group. “It’s the postseason best-of-seven elimination tournament that decides the league’s champion. It’s really fun! Also, the WNBA Playoffs start in September. You guys should watch it!”


However, even after Melissa graciously explained it all, the remaining scientists still were left scratching their heads, unable to decipher what it all could possibly mean.


“I don’t get it,” Yolanda said. “So, this isn’t even in the season of basketball? That literally doesn’t make any sense.”



Despite most researchers seemingly being willfully ignorant about the sports event, the quest to get to the bottom of things is still ongoing with no end in sight.


“Okay, I’m over it,” Kilara told her fellow researchers. “Who wants to watch ‘Real Housewives’?”