Recently Dumped Woman Joins No-Poo Movement

A newly single elementary school teacher drew media attention this week for converting to an unorthodox hair care movement post-breakup. Claiming it had nothing to do with “that jerk,” 28-year-old Catherine Boyd revealed to friends and colleagues this week that she has stopped washing her hair in solidarity with the so-called “No Poo Movement.”


“My hair has natural oils and it can cleanse itself. It doesn’t need anybody’s help,” Boyd says, crouching over a wastebasket full of photos. “Shampoo is toxic. Do you know what that kind of negative energy does to a woman, day after day? Today I say, ‘No more.’”


“When I asked her if everything was okay, she said, ‘At least hair doesn’t have a breaking point,’” said her co-teacher Kelly Sillib. “I was like ‘Aw, babe,’ and just got the kids started on circle time.”


“No Poo” has indeed made a difference in Boyd’s appearance and energy levels, according to her first grade students.


“Mrs. B. smells like couch,” says Carrie, 6.


“Who is Doug, and why does he blows?” asks Olivia P.



“She left a grease spot on my only silk blouse,” commented Vice Principal Shealer.


Boyd has pledged to let her hair get oily enough to mold into one big wet helmet over the next few months in the hopes that one day, it will eventually notice her love and affection and decide to shape up.


“Me taking care of my hair only holds it back from learning how to clean itself,” says Boyd, letting a few paper lanterns slide out onto a lake. “I deserve an equal partnership with whatever hair I end up with.”


Boyd cites the “No Poo Movement” with giving her the confidence – and extra cash – to return to the dating scene with a fresh attitude. “I’ve been spending $12 a month on shampoo for my entire life. Between that and the $1300 Doug spent on cam girls last year, I’ll save enough cash to buy a new face.”


Doug could not be reached for comment at this time.