Parents Unsure if Infant Matches the Vibe They Were Going For

Early last week, Jerry and Amanda Stewart welcomed their first baby into the world. After the stress of labor and the pricey medical bills, the couple was anxious to head home and start this exciting new chapter of their lives. But once they got there, things didn’t go exactly as planned.


“I mean, he definitely is a baby,” says Amanda.”Like he cries and eats and everything. He’s cute enough but, I don’t know. I’m just not sure that I’m feeling his vibe?”


Amanda’s partner Jerry feels similarly about their new son.


“We’ve tried everything,” Jerry says.. “We bought him a bunch of cute little clothes. We had a Zoom night with our friends to show him off, and he literally slept the entire time. It’s not really what we were going for to be honest.”


While the couple prepared extensively for the trials of early parenthood, their research left them ill-equipped to deal with their almost vibeless baby.


“All the books say to be prepared to have a child who might be different. Maybe with a learning disability or whatever, and that if you can’t handle that, you shouldn’t have a kid.” she says. “We were like, totally down for that. But they never warn you about having a kid that you just straight up do NOT vibe with, though.”


Luckily, Amanda does have some ideas as to the origins of her child’s vibe problems. 


“It was that fucking doctor, I swear to god,” Amanda says. “He had absolutely rancid vibes. Remember how he made me have an emergency C-section just because the baby was going to come out feet first? Like, ok, so you hate originality. Love that.”



They plan to have their Medium friend come during next week’s full moon to realign the child’s energy and do a past-life regression to “figure out what his deal is”. 


Best of luck to you, Stewart family!