It’s almost summer, and one-piece suits are back in style! Of course, nothing says “beach-bod” like a one-piece hidden beneath an oversized beach towel. Whether you rock a sporty Speedo singlet or a vintage strapless bodysuit, these fresh looks will appeal to your personal style while still conforming to society’s standards, because no one on the beach can even see your body underneath a thick layer of terrycloth! Here are the perfect one-piece suits that will look great shamefully hidden beneath your oversized beach towel.
For Back Fat: Halter Top Tankini
Did you forget to do those back exercises aimed at trimming down pesky rolls underneath your bra line this whole year? You’re in luck, sun-lover! A black or navy halter top tankini will sit high enough on your back to cover those embarrassing and unsightly rolls you developed over a winter of talking to your mom on the phone while eating peanut butter cups in bed. Kick that tankini look up a notch by cloaking yourself in an XL, retro pattern, designer beach towel. Look for a pattern bright enough to avert others’ gazes while keeping your shit under wraps. Trendy!
For Junk in the Trunk: Skirted One-Piece
Nowadays, there are plenty of flattering one-piece options available to completely veil your Kim K backside. Try a skirted one-piece so that your badunkadonk and upper thighs are covered and contained. Are those low cut seams cutting the circulation off to your thighs? Then raid the JC Penney racks for an affordable wrap skirt attachment for a flirty look. Then cover it all up with a thick towel! Find a color pairing that works best with your suit and other beachgoers will completely forget about your big booty while asking you which way to the bathroom!
For the Billowing Bust: Scoop Neck
You know what they say: “If you got ‘em, hide ‘em because they’re actually too big!” For those of you with a heavier handful up top, try on a scoop neck one-piece to pack everything in. Then reach for a towel, or even an oversized blanket with sleeves! Heck, you don’t even have to go to the beach! Just sit on your couch and marathon BBC crime dramas while eating nachos in the comfort of your air conditioned living room. Check out the Snuggie Store online to pair your cute one-piece with the new American Flag Snuggie, because nothing screams “U.S.A.” like a woman refusing to let her body be seen in the light of day!
Beach bums: snag your spot in the sun, lay out your beach towel, and then roll yourself up in it, because these one-piece swimsuit styles are too cute to ever actually be seen.