Most people who tell you about some new diet fad are just blowing smoke. But that’s exactly what my diet let me do to lose weight and enjoy my life to the fullest! Thanks to my new diet, I can get high and skinny—the dream duo! The rules are easy: Don’t eat; just vape whenever you want. I did it, and you can too.
Let’s face it: Eating is getting a ton of bad press, while vaping is more popular than ever. It doesn’t take a gorgeous, invisible-when-she-turns-sideways genius to realize that replacing most food consumption (BOO!) with vaping (HELL YEAH!) is both healthy and very, very cool. And fortunately, my diet lets me vape, 24/7. All I have to do is avoid most food. Cool, right?
I’ve been on a ton of confusing diets that make me count calories, or avoid bread, but now I’m like, you know what? I don’t have time for that. I just need simple rules that work with my lifestyle, and my lifestyle mostly involves vaping in a bathroom stall at work.
The reviews are in: I look great thanks to this new miracle diet! Vape life all the way!
“She looks so skinny, but I am kind of afraid she’s, like, dying,” my friend Kristen raves about my new look!
“I had to fire her last week because she’s literally high 24/7 and that, along with never eating, has made her into a non-functioning ghost of a person,” my ex-boss Robyn exclaims in support. (No hard feelings, Robyn! Let’s vape together sometime.)
“I am trying to get her hospitalized,” my angel of a mother gushes, clearly in awe of my new hot bod.
“I am dizzy!!!” whispers a strange voice that I later learn is my voice. Vape-love baby!
Let me guess: You’re worried you’ll get bored sucking in water vapor and/or marijuana for every meal. Well, you couldn’t be more wrong. The beauty of vaping is that there are so many different flavors of smoke that totally don’t just taste like smoke! My favorite is plain, which just tastes like smoke, but you can also try fun flavors like apple smoke and green apple smoke. Help? I’m tired.
Anyway, it’s almost lunchtime; I’ve got to get back to my baking. Get it? Baking!? Hahaha! #VAPELIFE
Good luck out there, vapin’ babes! And remember: Nothing tastes as good as vaping feels.