In a great show of willpower out of Phoenix, AZ, 70-year-old mother of two Diane Greenberg has taken three days of her prescribed schedule of antibiotics, but is now so full that she couldn’t possibly finish the rest.
“You know I would finish them if I could,” she whispered to reporters, trying her best to talk through the strep throat for which she is taking the medication. “But three days of antibiotics is already so much, and I had a HUGE lunch yesterday.”
Sources confirm the lunch consisted of one cup of yogurt and a minimal amount of granola. Also, antibiotics are not food.
Upon seeing the sugar casing of the pill, Diane remarked that it was “simply too sweet.”
“Maybe I’ll just take a little taste,” she continued, licking the next pill. “See? There. That was enough for me. I couldn’t possibly finish it.”
Diane’s doctors are extremely concerned about her wellbeing and have been urging her to, by any means necessary, finish the cycle of drugs.
“It’s actually super important that she finishes the entire round of antibiotics,” Dr. Hayley Mann told reporters. “Even if her symptoms are gone, she still has to take the entire round to make sure all illness-causing bacteria have been killed. Otherwise, the remaining antibiotic-resistant bacteria will multiply.”
Dr. Mann failed to account for the fact that all Diane wanted was a little bite, no more.
“It doesn’t even seem like her symptoms are gone, though?” Dr. Mann continued. “So I can’t imagine why she’s choosing to stop now.”
According to witnesses, Diane still very much has strep throat, is extremely symptomatic, and will likely spread it to others if she doesn’t finish taking her goddamn antibiotics.
She countered that it’s not a “choice” to stop taking the round of meds; her body simply cannot ingest that many pills on account of being too skinny and too small.
“She does this every time,” Diane’s daughter, Shelly, told reporters. “She’ll get to day two and say she’s ‘stuffed,’ so I’m surprised she’s even made it to day three. She must be in a lot of pain.”
Diane’s other daughter Kylee was equally unsurprised: “Whenever I’m on antibiotics and I finish the whole round, she’ll give me this sneering look and say, ‘Wow, you finished that fast…’ What?! I finished it on the exact prescribed timeline!”
At press time, Diane decided she would finish the entire round, but only on the condition that as a reward, she could sniff a cupcake.
