Mom Wants to Know if You Need Giant Gold Candlesticks for Your First Thanksgiving Alone

According to recent reports out of Houston, Texas, your mom has recently inquired whether you would like some giant gold candlesticks for your first Thanksgiving alone in quarantine.


“I feel so bad you’re going to be alone,” she said. “I’ll send you our special candlesticks so it’ll make it feel like the holidays.”


While you appreciated the sentiment, you clarified that the candlesticks were not what make Thanksgiving feel like the holidays and that you’ll probably be ordering takeout.


This did not seem to fully register with your mom.


“What do you mean you’ll eat without the candlesticks?” she responded. “They’re a part of Thanksgiving! You don’t even care anymore, do you?”



“What about the table runner? How about a gravy boat?” she offered, to no avail.


Despite multiple attempts to make it clear that you do not need anything to order Chinese food and eat it alone in front of the TV, your mom remained obstinate.


At press time, you had just received a package containing a three-foot cornucopia and various plastic gourds.