Mom and Carol Spend 90 Minutes Shouting ‘Hi, How Are Ya?’ at Lunch

Passers-by looked on in horror this afternoon as Carol and your Mom vehemently greeted each other in local bakery Boston Pastry for an hour and a half, increasing pitch and volume by the minute until their polite Saturday rendezvous resembled a seagull bar fight.


Dear friends since high school, Mom and Carol catch up every few months despite busy schedules. Today they were spotted at Boston Pastry Shop from 1:00 to 2:30 on opposite sides of the bakery.


“Carol was just a riot, as always!” says your mom, failing to explain their conversation of just four words shouted around 5,400 times. Pressed for details, your mom shrugged. “You know Carol, always a mile a minute.”


Teenage bakery employee Katie Newton witnessed the ordeal from behind the register. “Your mom came in and then Carol burst in a few minutes later yelling ‘Hi, how are ya?’ That’s really all that happened, but I did almost call the police.”


Witnesses say the women ordered scones, frantically pointing at the display case. As they continued shouting “Hi, how are ya?” they argued in made-up sign language over who got to pay. Carol paid and your mom left a big tip.



“The whole place was rapt,” fellow patron Julia Cannon shares. “You could hear them way in the back.”


Carol used the bakery’s single occupant restroom around 1:40 but continued shrieking, straining to be heard through the metal door. Soon the shop emptied, leaving just the two deafening mothers. A pastry chef barricaded himself in the kitchen until “that horrible noise had ceased.”


Newton says the banshee raucous dragged on until 2:30. “By the time they gathered their stuff to go they didn’t sound human. It was like two giant weed whackers were duking it out in here. Then they just stopped dead like it was nothing.”


When asked for comment, your mom was interrupted by a phone call. “Hold on honey,” she says. “I think someone’s trying my cell. Carol? Hi! How are ya?”