Moisturizing Techniques That Might Finally Convince Your Jerk Cat To Sit On Your Lap

womanspiration cat

So your skin is feeling dry and cracked lately, which might just be the reason your dumb mean cat hates spending time with you. But by getting into the habit of these easy and effective moisturizing techniques, your skin will be feeling the love, and so will you, maybe! Here are some smooth-skin hacks that could make your idiot cat finally jump on your lap for once.


Exfoliate before lotioning up.

A weekly exfoliation will remove dull particles from your epidermis and buff your skin back into good condition. Removal of dirt, oil buildup, and dead cells will leave your skin feeling baby soft, and make your legs look like an enticing place for your heartless cat to finally spend some fucking time.



Pat your skin dry.

After a shower, instead of rubbing your legs off with your towel, gently glide the towel over your body and pat dry any wet spots. Pulling and tugging your skin with a towel can damage it, but by being gentle, you’ll start to see a difference in the softness of your skin, and maybe even in the proximity that your godforsaken feline maintains while you watch TV.


Apply moisturizer before leaving the bathroom after a shower.

A steam-filled room after your shower will help to settle the moisturizing product into your skin while your pores are still open, and your cat may enjoy the warm room and may attempt to join you. Moist skin is more receptive to emollients than dry skin, just like a different cat is more receptive to touch than your own cat. This practice should provide faster results for you and your relationship with your cold-hearted dipshit of a pet.



Have a bedtime routine and stick to it.

For particularly rough, dry areas such as knees, elbows, and any cuts or scratches that fur-monster has recently put on you, use on a generous amount lotion or cream before you go to bed. When you wake up they will feel much better, and that little asshole might finally make physical contact with you for once in his sorry life. Probably not, though.


With these tricks, your cat might just want to sit on you everywhere. Unless it’s at the dinner table. That’s fucking unacceptable. Best of luck!