29-year-old Rachel Addison went missing four months ago without leaving a trace, not a single indication of wanting to leave or devious contacts. This left family and friends feeling worried and increasingly hopeless as time passed. But good news finally came this week: Investigators found Addison giggling furiously, unblinking, at posts from 2012 in the Facebook group “Woof Woof Puppers UNLEASHED!!!1”
Co-workers tipped off the NYPD when Addison’s “likes” and comments started taking over their news feeds. “I actually get a notification every time she like something in that weird dog group? I really don’t know why,” said one co-worker, who asked not to be named.
A SWAT team finally extracted Addison from the clutches of “Woof Woof Good Puppers” at approximately 3 a.m. last Thursday. In a press conference, Sgt. Beneditto reported to have found Addison in a borderline hypnotic state under her covers, clutching her laptop, giggling hysterically at a GIF from late 2012 of a bulldog puppy falling over. Authorities estimated she had been slowly working her way back through the past five years’ worth of dog content, liking and commenting on every post.
“The situation was…real bleak,” Sgt. Beneditto added. “To get that far back, she must have gone through at least a thousand, maybe five thousand dog videos and memes.”
“It all started when I checked my Facebook notifications and then I saw this photo of a German Shepherd who looked like he was smiling like a human, you know?” Addison said of the day she went missing. “Before I knew it, I was lost. There were just so many good dogs.”
“We always knew she liked dogs,” said her brother, Jaime. “I just didn’t expect us to go this far. None of us did.”
Addison now faces a long and difficult road to recovery. She’s easily triggered by the events of the past four months, and is actively avoiding words and phrases like, “cute”, “good boy”, “woof”, “belly”, “paws”, “kisses”, “angel sent from heaven”, “10/10 would pat again”, in support of her recovery.
Rachel is taking a break from Facebook in order to avoid a similar fate in her other favorite Facebook group, “ANY DICK CAN MAKE A BABY BUT IT TAKES A MAN TO BE A DADDY”.