The controversial people-rating app, Peeple, has quickly fallen into legal trouble this week, as its founders received a cease and desist from a group of girls from West Rockford Middle School. The five 12-year-olds, who sometimes call themselves #SquadGirls, claim that the app’s premise of “Yelp for people” was originally their idea.
“Giving people a random number based on whether we like them or not? That was our thing,” said clique leader and frequent boy handholder Jenna Smart. “When I heard about Peeple, I thought it was so mean of them to create an app that would copy our idea. I would rate them a zero.”
Second-In-Command Sam Rose Sommer, whose family has a pool, claims that she came up with the idea back in fifth grade.
“I remember thinking, we rate food, places, music. Why not rate everyone in our school?” said Sam Rose Sommer. “Also, Mrs. Guppke was teaching a statistics unit.”
“What we as a species have always needed is a public outlet for our arbitrary opinions,” says Mitch Sommer, Sam’s dad, who will be representing them in court. “But that’s my daughter’s intellectual property; not some nerds’!”
While they didn’t use an app to record their ratings, the girls did keep the data in a large pink book only available for them to see. Like Peeple, their ratings went from one to five, with cuteness, smartphone havingness, number of older siblings, and athleticism factored in. Sources from West Rockford confirm that their system shares even more similarities to Peeple.
“I asked them not to rate me,” revealed fencing club founder Chris Winter. “But Jenna told me that everyone gets a rating whether they like it or not. And that mine was a 2.”
While Winter and his fellow dweebs have been working to shut the system down, Smart maintains that the system is useful. “Do you want to find a date to the Winter Wahoo? It’s right here,” she said, pounding her henna tattooed fist on the burn book. “Want to study with someone smart but not embarrassing to be seen with? A three is perfect for that. Want to befriend someone just because they have a pool? Look for the water drop icon next to their name and don’t tell Sam Rose.”
Since its announcement, the Peeple app has since undergone some rebranding, as Peeple founder Julia Cordray insisted that the app cannot be used for bullying. When asked to comment on the anti-bullying stance, Sommer laughed.
“What’s the point of that?”
