Does this sound familiar? You’re home on a Saturday night again, knitting a vest. It’s because you’ve given up on love. And who can blame you? You’ve tried dating people you found interesting. You’ve tried dating people you found attractive. Maybe you’ve dated people with magnetic, otherworldly talents. And has any of that worked out? No, no it has not. If this sounds like your situation, it may seem like all hope is lost for you. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s time for you to date someone you don’t like.
I’m not here to tell you you’re being too picky, or choosing unavailable partners, or that maybe you just enjoy the dramatics of being with a mentally unstable person. I’m here to say that maybe the person you find unfunny, physically repulsive, and without morals is the man you’ve been waiting for your whole life.
I’m not saying you need to lower your standards. I’m saying that you should abandon them altogether. Start with a clean slate. You could start small, by striking up a conversation with that guy at the gym who farts on the treadmill. Try to see past the smell and disdain for his fellow human beings. Maybe this guy really knows how to make a great pot of winter chili. Maybe while he eats chili, he likes to watch Casablanca, and brush his rescue guinea pig, neither of which you like, but maybe those things will somehow make you happy. Sometimes in order to eat a rotten orange, you have to peel the rotten orange to truly see the lack of beauty inside.
Why not go in for the kill and sleep with that waiter who wrote “fatty” on your receipt. Sure, that guy was a jerk, but maybe that’s the key to a successful relationship for you! And maybe he was having a bad day, because he finds you as repulsive as you do him! Everybody deserves a second chance. What have you got to lose? Nothing. Walk into the darkness and find a sad placeholder for light.
Oh and remember that guy in your lifesaving class – the one who only ever responds to you in a voice dripping with sarcasm whenever you speak? That guy could be a jaguar in the sack, in a selfish, sudden attack sort of way, and maybe that’s what you really want, deep inside. You don’t know because you haven’t tried. And you haven’t tried because you’re afraid. And you’re intuitive, but you can’t always trust intuition, and fear is sometimes the best motivator. I say go for it! Carpe diem! YOLO! FML!
After all, life is about taking chances. And why would you want to miss a chance to make a potentially lifelong connection to a person you can’t stand? Why, indeed. If you have to compromise, then compromise hard. Now take a deep breath, go forth and settle.
