In a story about living in the moment every single day of your life emerging from Chicago, IL, 29-year-old Brandon McDonough only ever makes plans for the next 48 hours of his life, meaning everything else is an unknown abyss to him.
Reporters first caught wind of this story when they overheard Brandon making plans with a girl he’s seeing, Urdita Green. When Urdita asked if she could see him on Saturday, Brandon declined, explaining that Saturday was “way too far in the future to think about.” This was concerning, as it was already Wednesday.
“Why do we have to make big plans for the future of our lives when we barely even know what’s happening in the now?” Brandon asked while not to subtly eyeing a girl at the next table over. “I don’t know what I’ll be up to in five years, so why try to plan for it?”
Urdita found this confusing, as she was asking about Saturday, not five years from now.
“I make plans for today and tomorrow,” Brandon continued. While reporters expected this to be a metaphor for “making plans in the near future,” they soon came to realize he literally meant “today and tomorrow,” like the next 48 hours only.
“When I plan for today, I know what I’m doing today, and when I plan for tomorrow, I know what I’m doing tomorrow,” Brandon continued as if this provided any new information. “And as long as I’m always planning for tomorrow, I always have plans!”
Urdita was unsure where this left their relationship, as she didn’t really want to see a guy who only ever made plans a maximum of 48 hours in advance.
“What do you need to know the future for?” Brandon asked, as if this were some wise and deep line of inquiry. “Live in the now! Specifically, I would like you to come over to my house tonight for sex.”
Urdita politely declined this enticing offer then made up an excuse about a work meeting she had to attend in order to get out of the situation.
As of press time, Urdita had been seen outside of the coffee shop laughing over the phone with her friends. Reporters could make out the terms “absolute fuckboy,” “generally stupid,” and “what’s the movie tonight?”
