Man Offended by Other People Being Offended

Following the recent, growing national trend of not tolerating bigotry, Daytona resident Quincy Edward has increasingly taken offense to other people taking offense.


“All of a sudden, everyone is so offended by everything,” said Quincy. “What happened to the days when I could just blindly disrespect anyone who was different than me? Nothing offends me more than people who can’t deal with themselves or others being dehumanized. Bunch of snowflakes!”


Quincy, who ticks all the boxes of identities that are accepted and valued in this country, went on to explain his offense at others’ offense.


“It used to be that I picked on people who were gay, or black, or disabled, and no one cared when they were offended,” said Quincy. “Now I have to take my words into consideration so that those people can just live their lives peacefully without being degraded all the time? That’s offensive to me!”


“It’s offensive to me that empathy has become so mainstream,” he added.


Quincy’s peers are understandably confused.


“He’s being pretty stupid about the whole thing,” said Casey Simmons, Quincy’s coworker. “Like, he’s offended because he can’t call women ‘bitches’ in the office anymore and get away with it. But he thinks it’s the women’s fault for being offended in the first place? It’s honestly kind of laughable.”


“I think that because he’s a straight, white guy, this is just his first experience being offended,” added Reese Tan, a golf buddy. “He’s taking offense to other people taking offense, and he doesn’t see the irony in it. But the more he complains about it, the more it sounds like he’s the offended one.”


But Quincy, who has never faced any of the oftentimes fatal repercussions of being discriminated against as a minority, is firm in his beliefs.


“It offends me to my core that other people have started being taken seriously when they are offended by things that are objectively offensive,” he said. “But I’m not gonna allow this country to turn into a bunch of citizens respecting the humanity of other citizens. That’s not what America is all about.”


“In fact, I’m offended at the very notion,” he added.