In the latest apartment tiff that is ruining your life, your landlord George Davis just doesn’t understand why it’s his responsibility to provide all sorts of unnecessary luxury items around the apartment, such as stairs.
Sources confirm the stairs to your third-floor apartment have been slowly deteriorating, and you sent several unanswered complaint letters to your landlord warning him of this. As predicted, the stairs finally gave way last weekend, leaving you stranded in the apartment until 9 a.m. Monday morning, when George finally answered the latest of your frantic phone calls.
“I just don’t think you’re aware of the responsibility of a landlord,” he said extremely calmly. “I’m required to make the space ‘strictly livable,’ but any additional updates or amenity additions are your sole responsibility. Nowhere in the lease does it say I’m responsible for providing stairs to enter or exit the apartment.”
While technically true, you would argue the stairs part was pretty much implied.
This is the latest incident of many in which your landlord dragged his feet on necessary apartment maintenance. Last month, he refused to call an exterminator to deal with the mice problem, alleging “you brought those in with you when you moved in.”
Sources confirm you moved in about two years ago.
After a lengthy argument over the stairs issue, he very graciously offered to come talk to you about this in person. You reminded him this would be impossible, as the stairs genuinely fell down to the second floor below, at which point he clarified that he would come discuss this matter in person as soon as you pay a carpenter to fix the stairs.
You called 311 – the hotline for non-emergency municipal services – to clarify whether your landlord was legally required to provide stairs.
“Is this a prank? Are you prank calling?” the 311 operator, Olivia Guff, asked. “Because that’s a federal offense.”
After you clarified that you were being serious, she replied that, yes, your landlord is absolutely responsible for the stairs, as it compromises the stability of the building and safety of the inhabitants. She also said you should “report his ass.”
“That person sounds stupid,” George said after you relayed the message. “She’s gaslighting you.”
The therapy-speak was an admirable last hurrah from George, but as soon as you threatened to report him, he immediately said, “Actually, I’m feeling generous. Even though I don’t have to, I will fix the stairs.”
As of press time, your landlord – having taken the new stairs into account – had decided to raise your rent 15%.
