In a moving testament to the enduring power of nature, it was observed today that the land has reclaimed Marianna Gallo’s bikini line.
Gallo’s upmost inner thigh, just recently a barren zone of human intervention and technology, has transformed at a faith-restoring speed into the pube grassland it once was.
“It’s kind of incredible to witness,” says conservationist Maya Lopez. “This area has been devastated by waxing, shaving, and even plucking for over a decade.”
“To look at it now and see it just thriving after only weeks of ceased activity is a real reminder of why this whole fight is worth it,” Lopez adds.
Of course, the reclamation is not without historical precedent. In the past, dry spells, breakups, long winters, and general apathy have all contributed to sustained periods of bikini line flourishing on Gallo. However, this time, there is hope for a better tomorrow.
“Periods of activity then inactivity, and actual periods, have demonstrated an ebb and flow to human imposition on the outer pubic zone,” explains Lopez. “The hope here is that this era of total neglect will allow for such a hearty regrowth, that Gallo will just accept the natural order and no longer interfere in the environment.”
“She’ll also save some money on razors because those wiry pubes are a real match for a blade,” Lopez adds.
For now, we can all learn a valuable anthropogenic lesson from Gallo’s pubes: Leave no trace. Here’s to hoping for a full restoration.
“Wait, what the fuck?” says Gallo.
