Just Because I’m in a Long-term Relationship Doesn’t Mean I’m Not a Messy Bitch

There is a harmful and pervasive misconception in our society that chaotic, worrisome, drama-producing-and-loving women have to be single to fit the bill. Wild bachelorettes get to make bad decisions and start shit; meanwhile, women in “committed” relationships are relegated to mom-of-the-friend-group status. These restrictive and retrograde frameworks can’t capture the complexity of my being, and it’s time the world knew: just because I’m in a long-term relationship doesn’t mean I’m not an absolutely messy bitch in every possible way.


When I was young, doing coke in bar bathrooms and having sex with strangers, no one had any problem seeing me as a messy bitch. What I wish my friends could see is that nothing has changed. The only difference is that now instead of having sex with strangers, I’m having sex with Justin. And sure, I haven’t done coke in a few years, but that’s just because there’s never, like, a good day to have a coke hangover, and also honestly coke is really bad for you, not that I care, but I mean, it is. However, I DID fall asleep with an open thing of pad see ew on my bed the other night. That’s messy, right? It’s at least gross.


While my friends try to dodge responsibility by claiming they’re “happy” to see me in a “loving” “stable” relationship, it’s obvious they’re just playing into patriarchal norms. I guess now that I’m a kept woman who belongs to Justin my problems are his instead of society’s at large. Well I don’t accept. I am everybody’s problem, and there should be a separate group text without me in it just to talk about that.



The prejudice against coupled women presents in more subtle ways as well. Just last week my dear friend who has watched me vomit on more than two occasions asked me how to fold a fitted sheet. I don’t fucking know how to fold a fitted sheet. I’m unstable; I’m on the edge; I think about dropping it all and moving to the desert as much as anyone, possibly more.


So what would I ask of those in my life? Just treat me like I am a person: a messy, unpredictable, disaster of a person. Because that’s still how I feel inside, and also I’m jealous of how much attention my sister has been getting since her divorce.