How to Not Work Out At All Bitch I’m Suffering!!

The walk from your bed to the couch might be the most exercise you’re getting nowadays. Quarantine and gym closures make it easy to be horizontal all day, binge-watch TV, and ditch your exercise regime. And bitch, let it! I am suffering! We’re all suffering! So if you’re not up for little bullshit Yoga YouTube and Peloton HIIT videos, then that’s beautiful! Don’t feel guilty, everything is debilitating!! Here’s how to not work out at all because right now fuck that bitch I need a BREAK:


Find Out What You Can Do At Home

If you have the ability to find a comfortable space at home where you can work out, there are plenty of online streaming services, the Internet, and mobile apps for at-home workouts if you’re into that. If not, then congrats! You found an incredible place to lay prostrate on the floor from pandemic-induced paralysis and just be in your body.


Make It A Daily Habit

Building routines helps give structure to our schedules. Find a solid time that consistently works for an exercise break. And if that doesn’t work out over time, then let it fucking go, babe! You’re allowed to not be active! Be kind to yourself! Only a maniac would feel energized by our current conditions and the classist bullshit it amplifies every day!



Find An Accountability Buddy

Make a pact with a friend, relative, or the girlies who shares your #fitgoals. There’s something to be said about collective suffering and, boy oh boy, ain’t that the truth. However, there’s no social pressure to be hot and in shape anymore! Body positivity!! If you want to forgo stupid ass aerobics and use this time to just be there for each other during this isolating time of grief and heartache, then we are so here for it!


Use Household Supplies for Equipment

You don’t have to shell out the big bucks for strength training. Everything you need is around the house! But heavy lifting sounds exhausting and life is giving us enough external resistance training, so if your flaccid arms feel too weak to lift paint cans or some bullshit, then so be it. Fuck that shit. I’m overwhelmed by all this. Turn on the TV. Any TV. PLEASE! I NEED ESCAPISM!


With parts of the world on pause, now is a gorgeous time to stay in touch with your body and feel in control of your health. Just keep in mind that at the same time, no one is forcing you to do this shit. The world is imploding. You’re enduring enough. Be immobile if you need it. I am not okay, but we want you to feel okay. Okay? Fuck, I’m so tired.