Jennifer Lopez drew concern and confusion from fans Saturday night when she performed an entire charity concert fully clothed in a long trench coat, being the the first American female pop star ever to enter the stage in a coat without removing it.
“When a female pop star enters the stage wearing a trench coat, it is assumed that the trench coat will soon be taken off to reveal her actual outfit,” says music critic Simon Frith. “This incidence of extreme modesty is exceedingly rare.”
Many of Lopez’s fans were disappointed to not see any of her brightly colored two-piece costumes, and were instead forced to think about rainy days and flashers.
“She was more clothed than I was!” recalled Amber Newton, a long time fan of Lopez. “I felt so tricked, even mistaking her for a back up singer at one point.”
Amber’s boyfriend Brent Elks who attended the concert with her was appalled that there was no skin to redeem the musical performance he had no interest in listening to.
“I thought we’d at least we’d get a boob slip like Janet Jackson, but nope,” lamented Elks. Elks was one of 47 boyfriends present in the audience, all of whom appeared dejected. “I think I speak on behalf of every dude here,” explained Trevor McDonald, “that was some horseshit.”
Some fans were more disappointed in Lopez’s lack of style. “That coat was hideous. I left halfway through,” claimed Alex, another attendee. “I was like, ‘When is she gonna take it off?’ It was like waiting for water to boil. I supported her way back through her Versace dress days, but I will not stand for this.”
Fans speculated on various reasons for the coat, citing possibilities such as “having a fat day,” hidden pregnancy, or simply forgetting how to undo buttons without the help of an assistant.
According to J. Lo, it was a spur-of-the-moment decision “I was cold,” she explains. When asked if she would continue to perform in this fashion, she replied, “Yes. Get ready for my new clothing line, Glow Outerwear, coming to Burlington Coat Factory this fall.”
