Kate Middleton Roller-Skates Out Just Days After Giving Birth

Radiant Royal Kate Middleton, who gave birth to the United Kingdom’s newest princess on Saturday morning in an all-natural, two-and-a-half hour labor, was seen roller-skating out of Kensington Palace this afternoon.


“Kate has always loved roller skating,” said one courtier. “Why wouldn’t she look and behave the same as always so soon after giving birth to an eight-pound baby in under three hours?”


Tourists walking in Kensington Park Gardens were stunned to see the glowing duchess busting out some skate tricks by the Princess Diana Memorial Playground. “Choosing to skate here was clearly Kate’s way of paying a thoughtful and moving tribute to William’s late mother,” said one onlooker. “But I also got the feeling she was keen to show off her sick moves, just after bearing a child.”



Royal sources report that Kate roller-skated through both her pregnancies, after getting the all-clear from her gynecologist, and receiving a sweet new pair of skates from her sister, Pippa. “The Duchess is like any other young mother: As soon as she gave birth, she was immediately ready to rip up the nearest skate park,” said a palace insider.


Amid fears Kate is setting unrealistic expectations for postpartum mothers, another mother spoke out: “As the wife of the future King, Kate receives the kind of support that most women can only dream of: nannies, housekeepers, cooks, and of course her own personal skate coach.”


Kensington Palace declined to make an official statement about the incident, but did issue a tweet confirming Catherine’s love of “burning up the rink” with her “wheels” and her severe hatred of “Razor scooter people”.


The Duchess will be spending the summer with newborn Princess Charlotte and the rest of her family at Amner Hall in Norfolk. A palace insider has said that Kate plans to resume her twice-daily lovemaking routine with William immediately. “Kate’s keen to get back to normal and start reincorporating flaming batons back into her sex and skating routines.”