It’s so easy to get caught up in the idea of a “traditional” wedding – but not me. I’m a different kind of bride – I live out of a van and surf to work every day, and that’s exactly why I’m pushing all that boring tradition aside and making my bachelorette weekend Hot Wheels-themed and in Miami.
My friends are all fascinating people who go against the grain, and even they are wondering, like, “Okay, but why Hot Wheels though?” And to that I say, “Yeah, duh, what else would it be?” From working with glass blowers on a remote island in Denmark to a weekend inside a literal Mason jar, everything else I could think of has already been done. But when I started thinking of how sick my fifth birthday was, the answer became clear: It’s gotta be Hot Wheels, and we’re gonna play with Hot Wheels all weekend, and my mom is gonna pull the big loop-de-loop out of the attic and we’re gonna get wasted and race Hot Wheels and have a sick time.
As a bride, that’s what makes me so different and cool.
And of course there is NO way I’m doing all of that corny, run-of-the-mill bachelorette party stuff, like get penis straws and a stripper – instead, I’m getting custom penis Hot Wheels and a surprise late-night visit from the guy who talked really fast in the Micromachines commercials (okay, it’s not canon, but I think the ladies will really have fun with him after a few drinks).
Save your sashes and crowns for some other bachelorette party, losers! I’ll be wearing a racing outfit and a little hat and going VROOM VROOM for an entire long weekend in Miami.
I don’t want to bash all the regular brides out there. But as someone who has built an entire personality around being the opposite of that, you can be sure that my extremely dope bachelorette party theme will be the envy of every seven-year-old boy in the country. And most importantly, my mother-in-law is gonna hate it. Isn’t that what being a cool bride is all about?