If Life Begins at Conception, Maybe We Should Cut Off All the Dicks Now

Alabama just passed a near-total abortion ban while Georgia has voted to criminalize abortion. These laws are created by people who believe life begins at conception. Therefore it is only logical, if we want to reduce the risks of unwanted pregnancy and abortions, that we should just cut all the dicks off now.


While many think that there is no turning back once a sperm fertilizes an egg, and that women should be held accountable for their pregnancy from that moment on. I’ll take it one step further – men should be held accountable for having dicks that can release sperm and we should cut them all off with knives or scalpels or basically anything we can find before anyone does anything they can’t take back.


At this point, it’s simply too dangerous not to.


Women can’t seem to keep their legs closed, sure. But men also can’t seem to keep their dicks out of women. So let’s just save ourselves from this ongoing debate by removing all the dicks from all the men one by one this instant.


In the midst of all of these other perfectly logical conclusions curtailing reproductive rights, this one seems just as good as any other.


People complain about having to pay for women’s birth control. They also complain about paying for social services that support unwanted children. Instead of going back and forth on who deserves what, we could just end this by severing every dick, once and for all, today.


Without dicks, we can still make the babies we need in a lab and insert them into women ready and responsible enough to carry them. And all the dickless men can pat themselves on the back for never having been tempted by an irresponsible woman again. It’s all about taking responsibility.



Some of you might be wondering, “Why not just cut off all the balls?” And honestly, great idea, but I’m sticking to the dicks.


The solution is simple – no more dicks means women stay pure, men are not tempted and God is happy. So let’s get to cutting!