‘I Would Start Running, but It’s Bad for My Knees,’ Says Woman Who Sits Like Gollum for 10 Hours Everyday

Surprising none of her friends and family, Lexine Wang boldly expressed her hesitation at getting into running due to the detrimental effects on her knees, despite obliterating her spine and core all day every day.


“I would totally be a runner if I wasn’t worried about the constant impact wearing out my knees,” says the 24-year-old office assistant who sits in a plastic swivel chair every day of the week with her posture resembling Gollum from Lord of the Rings. “I don’t want to add any more unnecessary stress on them than I have to.”


As she continues to wear high heels with no support and never consume the daily recommended amount of calcium, Lexine states that her joint health is of the utmost concern and the sole reason preventing her from going on a run.


“I just have to look into the health effects more before I make an informed decision on whether or not I should start running,” she told reporters while sitting stagnant at her desk for the past ten hours. “People always talk about the benefits, but they should really learn more about the downfalls of running before committing to something so harmful.”


Although Lexine has maintained that she’s just looking out for her body by not running regularly, those close to her remain skeptical that proactive health concerns are the sole reason for Lexine’s hesitancy.



“I’ve seen Lexine sit in weird, Ariana-Grande-My-Everything postures before for hours at a time,” says roommate and close friend Janice. “When the latest season of Stranger Things came out, she watched it all in one sitting. Well actually she was lying down with her chin just propped up on her chest. That could not have been good for any part of her body.”


When discussing knee-friendly cardio alternatives for running, Lexine was seen finding health-related reasons for avoiding each of them too.


“Swimming? No, no – that would dry out my skin and hair too much. Yoga could overextend my muscles. And I heard Pilates causes major cramping.”


As of press time, Lexine was at her desk in her usual Gollum stance, Googling “best exercises you can do while lying down.”