Woman’s Self-Care Just Engaging in the Seven Deadly Sins

In a curative act of prioritizing one’s own wellness, Alex Williams confirms that her self-care routine is simply taking part in the seven deadly sins.


“Initially, I found gluttony and sloth to be really restorative forms of self-care,” Alex says. “But, eventually, I discovered I needed to engage in the rest of the seven deadlies in order to truly nurture my mind, body, and soul.”


“Glutting myself on Captain Crunch was, and still is, super healing,” she explains. “But that was only the beginning of my journey.”


From relatively simple beginnings, Alex says her self-care took its own path, and she was just along for the ride.



“I was honestly surprised by how therapeutic envy and wrath were for me, but now they’re cornerstones of my self-care routine.”


She went on to explain that nothing cleanses her mind like spending hours in a state of deep, resentful covetousness, followed immediately by a prolonged period of pure, unbridled rage.


“I’ve never been this in tune with my emotions before,” Alex says. “I feel like a whole new person after indulging them. A clean, sacrilegious slate.”


When asked how she factors greed into her self-care routine, Williams says she prefers the term “avarice”, and that she follows the teachings of the “treat yourself” mindset, facilitating said avarice through the rapid procurement of material possessions via online shopping, thrifting, and going buck wild in a Target.


As for lust, Williams says once she started directing that lascivious energy towards herself, her healing journey really kicked into next gear.


“I mean, it’s called ‘self-love’, isn’t it?” she explains. “You really can’t get there without some deeply blasphemous, near heretical, egocentric lust. Think: Narcissus.”


Pride remains the final piece of Alex’s self-care routine, and she says she’s still working up to it.


“The rest of my self-care routine is designed to erase the remainder of my humility,” she explains. “Once that happens, I’ll be primed and ready to be corrupted by my own hubris.”


Only then will her self-care routine be perfected – and she can be ensnared by the Devil’s wiles at last.