In a stressful development out of 28-year-old Winona Lane’s bedroom, the excitement of receiving a nude is currently paling in comparison to the stress and anxiety of formulating an adequate response to the nude in question.
“Shane and I have been casually dating for a few weeks, and right now she’s out of town, so we were sending some flirty texts,” Winona says. “She asked if I wanted to see her sunburn, and we all know what that means. Obviously, I was chomping at the bit.”
However, things took a turn when Winona actually received the photo of Shane’s boobs.
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s an awesome nude,” Winona says. “She’s so hot, and her face is in it, which is a sexy display of both confidence and trust. That’s the marker or a truly great nude: eyes and nipples. Is that what I should respond? Eyes and nipples? No. No, definitely not.”
Sources confirm that with each passing second Winona fails to respond, the ratio of horniness to distress in her body tilts heavier and heavier toward absolute turmoil.
“I googled ‘how to respond to nude’, which led me to some pretty frightening subreddits,” Winona says. “Now I’m in a worse headspace than ever.”
Though the most recent incident, this is not the first time Winona has struggled to keep her head above water in the sexting realm.
“It’s just an absolute minefield,” she says. “Like, I never know if I should say ‘touch myself’ or ‘jack off’ or ‘jerk off’, I’m totally sex positive yet these all sound criminally foul to me. If you say some weird shit during sex, that’s just a natural and fun part of it. No one is taking the minutes. But the permanent record a weird nude response? That can destroy a person.”
By the time she managed to compose a response, Winona was on the brink of a panic attack.
“I replied, ‘okay trying to catch my breath’,” she says. “Which is technically true. I am inhaling slowly while counting red things in this room.”