It’s 2016, and you know what that means: New year, new you. And nothing gives you that extra kick of confidence quite like the perfect shade of lipstick. But as the night wears on, it can be hard to stay committed to the sexy rock star vibe you were feeling alone in your room just two short hours ago. You’ve only got about an hour of that much confidence in you, tops. Here’s a guide to what these hues say about how badass you were feeling when you put them on.
1. Matte Revolution Lipstick: Blackmail (Urban Decay, $22)
When you opted for this deep, bold matte shade two hours ago, you wanted the world to think you had a no-nonsense attitude with a hint of mystery. You were basically saying to everyone at the party, “Back off! Tonight, this sexy bitch answers to absolutely no one.” Unfortunately, the you who gave up trying to talk after everyone at the party kept interrupting you and your stupid lipstick was smudging anyway appears to disagree.
2. Velvet Matte Lip Pencil: Belle De Jour (NARS, $26)
“My lips need no shade; tonight, they’ll do all the talking.” At least that’s what you thought to yourself when you pulled out this nude number only two hours ago. Your lips have definitely been doing “all the talking”, but the unimpressed looks you’re getting from this dude as you try to explain the stresses of your social media job have cut your confidence down to roughly a third of what it was when you chose this makeup look.
3. Rouge Cream Lipstick: Very Good Trip (Sephora, $12.50)
Nothing screams “killer confidence” like a bright, vampy red, and you knew this when you were carefully applying it two hours ago. You also took a risk with that new white bodycon—a risk that has not paid off seeing as you sat in someone’s spilled drink moments after entering the club. Oh to be young and fearless two hours ago again!
4. Almost Lipstick: Pink Honey (Clinique, $17)
You were feeling simple and sweet two hours ago, and you knew this soft, shimmery shade would be the perfect way to showcase your flirty side. You were feeling totally assured of your sex appeal until you shamelessly hit on that gay guy in front of all his gay friends. Yikes.
5. Be Legendary Matte Lipstick: Punked (Smashbox, $21)
Two hours ago, you were in full-on bad girl mode. With some ripped tights and combat boots, nothing was stopping you from instilling fear and awe into the heart of every single man at Ali’s party. You were a strong, fierce, intimidating lady, and no guy would dare tell you otherwise. Seriously, not a single goddamn one. Why don’t they want to talk to you? No—you made the right choice, and you feel really good about it. Really good. Unless Ali happens to have some makeup remover in her bathroom? This shade is kinda washing you out.
Whichever shade you chose two hours ago, you knew you were setting the tone for the rest of the night—until you encountered the reality of your insecurity in a social setting. You’ll get ‘em next time!