I Proposed Because Our Schedules Line Up Scary Well

Photo by Kelley Leigh Karp

So I had been casually dating this guy for a few months. I’ll be the first to say he’s nothing special, and didn’t really put too much stake in the relationship at first. But after I learned that we both have Wednesday nights free and Saturdays open, that changed everything. Even though he was kind of boring, I realized this was the man I am able to spend the rest of my life with. So I decided to propose right then and there. Our schedules line up scary well, and that’s not something to let go!


Francis (I’ve never really liked his name) and I both work Sunday through Thursday. When we went on our first date, I told all my friends that “it didn’t stick” because I wasn’t attracted to him and I didn’t like any of the things he said. But, when I found out we both go to the gym for exactly 35 minutes after work and have therapy on Fridays, I knew this was the real deal.


Yesterday morning, I woke up next to his hollow asymmetrical face and thought, “I don’t think it’s going to get better than this.” It’s simply meant to be! For example, we both go into work at 10am, so we set the same alarm. If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is. Sure, I wish his work started earlier because I really don’t like the way he eats his breakfast. But even if we’re not in sync, our schedules definitely are!


That’s why I decided to pop the question last night, while he was watching some dumb fucking show about lemurs. He said “yes” and then we kissed (ugh). But we both were in bed by 11pm, and that’s when I felt sure that he’s the one for me, if only because it’s extremely convenient.



My friends were confused when I told them we are engaged. Rebecca texted me, “Haven’t you only been dating for two months?” Ellie also gave her opinion by sending, “Ugh, but Francis is so lame, dude.” Yeah, I barely know anything about him besides that he’s extremely dull, but we literally both drink our first cup of coffee at 8:30 in the morning. I am not going to fuck up something that’s this practical.


Sure, I really don’t like having sex with him because I don’t like the way he looks, smells or thinks, but we do have the same amount of vacation days left this year, which really makes up for most of that. Yes, our matching schedules mean I have to spend all of my time with this mind-numbing person, but when it comes down to what really matters in a marriage, I wouldn’t trade our scary identical Google calendars for the world.